Drop Fear. Draw Near.

Ohhhhhh, down the rabbit hole. ...

I wrote this blog post: Developing an Artistic Style. Yeahhh. you know.... It was a simple thought. I checked out Visual Voice from the library; I really enjoyed the content and thought it would be good for my students.

and something just hit me. My heart burst open with panic and sadness and jealousy and...and...I don't even know what else because I can't pick words for describing THAT feeling when the dam breaks inside. Incredible gaping hole. It's terror. (I'm blessed to live with a friend who is such an incredible guide. She carries life-jackets at the ready). Even with the desire to make art ...there is nothing on paper. I'm in a relationship with no intimacy. No acts of love. I'm struggling.


I feel so failed by my education systems. I am so afraid of the art process with little tools to plow through.  Yes, I know my elements. I know some history. I can matte and present. I can participate in a critique. But what about that other stuff!? -the relational piece. That stuff that inherently happens by doing art. Are we teaching that? and not as a side note. Purposeful objectives and lessons on the subject matter that books like Art & Fear, The Artists Way, and Visual Voice write about. I know there are workshops one can take exploring these things, but isn't this important enough that it should be part of a formal education right alongside our traditional lessons for those enrolled in programs? because Art is Therapy. Examination of the self WILL happen. Isn't facilitated dialogue and reflection...helpful?! I mean... the answer is YES.

I had one instructor at UNLV who I was profoundly impacted by. Life Changing. and not for the mean things he said. (We have plenty of those negative life changing people unfortunately huh?).  He touched on the spiritual aspects of art-making and was consistently present with me and my process.


I want to be my version of him. for me and my students. 


I have got to drop fear and draw near. I have to make art.