It never gets easier

Things are not difficult, but they are difficult enough. I have this grand notion that "things" (whatever those things are) get easier, and I keep pushing for what I'm realizing is an unattainable stopping point. I thought things would get better after UNLV. Then after Naropa. Then after my first year of work. Then after the summer. and now I'm here, and I caught myself saying, "oh. it'll get easier after this second year". ....

:/ wtf.


Uggghhhh. Brain be quiet. It's not true. This is it. Things aren't slowing down. Things will not get easier. There will not be a time period when I am not facing a challenge - as it should be right? We continue to grow, and we continue to get better. On this Saturday before the start of the academic year, I want myself to be mindful, enjoy the journey, and create pockets of spaciousness. Time can't slow down, but I can slow down and appreciate my relationships and the activities that shape who I am outside of work.

I am at this weird place where I don't want work to define me, but I'm also recognizing that in this field, I AM my work. Oh, the lucky life of the helping professional. And I say that with all honesty. I made a choice to help. and that comes with some sacrifice. It also comes with rewards that align with my values.

It never gets easier. You just get better.

To Your Highest Most Awesome Self

Once Upon A Time....

My girlfriend and I were arguing about something, and whatever I said to get my point across or defend myself, her response was, "Stop being an R.A. you don't have to do that now." She was referring to my language and probably ability to use conflict resolution. I can't help it I'm awesome. 

But I remember that moment so well.. I had shock face on. I said, "I'm not being an R.A. I believe in these things. I DO see the world this way. "

ah. so funny now. We didn't last. for various and obvious reasons. 

I think about that moment a lot and how becoming a Resident Assistant changed everything about me. I think about that moment when some sort of therapy talk comes out of my mouth in my personal life. And I thought about it yesterday when a friend commented on how different I looked. More..official.

It's true. I recently bought a few key pieces and in the past two weeks, I've come to work dressed more professionally. Not corporate suit or anything, but I've been stepping into my adulthood. It was uncomfortable at first..it was new, and I was worried how people would perceive me. 

But as I caught a glance of myself in the mirror today, I recognized myself. I look like me. This is how I should have always been dressing - I just didn't know it. The more exposure I receive, and the more I reflect, the more I make choices that align with who I really am. I'm comfortable. It's easy. 

I'm changing...kinda. What I'm really doing is arriving.

As we register folks for the new school year, I just want to shout - move to your truth, to your highest potential, don't be afraiddd!!Such an incredible journey to have. It takes time, and risk, and love. and it's worth it!  Okay. so that's not crazy hippy hmm... ? 

I AM shouting it in my heart though, and it echos with every hello, every interview, every see-you-in-two-weeks.  

I believe in this. 

*Image from Ellie

Yummy.... Pencils.

I know I'm not the only one who gets excited about a new smooth bright colored sharpie or fresh notebook paper. ahhh. office supplies.  It's back to school time.  Registration begins tomorrow. {eeek!} We're so close to starting. So - that means checkin' on the inventory.

Although I'd rate my skills in organization a 10, I feel very fortunate for my graduate assistant position at Naropa University. One of the incredibly daunting tasks: Stock the Studio.

Inventory is weird, and any art-anybody knows you're working with a maze of things: The budget, distinguishing from cheap and amazing supplies & cheap and..well, cheap supplies, knowing what the hot items are, remembering you keep stuff in that secret cabinet so the students don't go through it too fast....

Here's a peek into my inventory. With good 'ol excel. 

• All Items are organized and color-coded by their location in the room
• High Priority, Donation Driven, and Currently in Need are helpful sorters. High priority items are of course the materials I'm constantly evaluating because my students need and use these items often. Donation Driven reminds me of what to ask for.  While anyone can donate anything, these are items that I do not purchase. (Like Magazines). 
• I write down everything I possibly can about the item. It never fails that I buy something that I didn't want because I forgot the brand or some other small detail. And this is helpful if a volunteer or intern places the order for me. There should be no mistake what I wanted.
• I have a notes section (not shown) to specify the order and quantity. 

I've been through a few systems. I like this one! 

Highschool Moms

It's very strange and surreal that after months of cameras in our classrooms, the really awesome crew pieced together something very beautiful and very real about this incredible place. High School Moms premiers Sunday on TLC.

These are women in our community who are reflective of other women in communities in the United States and in the world.  These are our people. And everyone benefits when our people receive a good education. I know there will be people who have nothing but not-so-nice things to say, but the fact is that regardless of the choices that anyone of us makes, we all deserve the opportunity to go to school where our needs are met. Gaining academic skills, learning to critically think, ..be curious, ...imaginative, and building relationships lets us contribute positively to our world. Raising ALL of our children who will become this World.

Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind.  Or forgotten.   

-Lilo

*Image from FloCritCo.org

July Wrap Up

July 

• We held an open house and showed area providers who we are. Baddass that's what.
• I went to a Trauma Training and learned all amazing things about the all amazing brain.
• Working Working Working Working on the curriculum's.  
• The events in Aurora took a toll on me & my community.  That is a theater I know very well. 
• I moved from the suburb of Englewood to the Downtown Denver Life. Not an easy move with unethical movers and a small dirty dusty spidery place. *exhaussttteddd*
• I celebrated the arrival of Saturn Returning!  I'm officially 28. (Am I an adult now?! whoa.)

With the school year approaching and my personal life uprooted, I did not have enough internal & external resources for my stressors. Which, lemme tell you - makes for a rough couple of weeks. lots of crying. headaches. I had some supports in there though. Thank you all.  

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” 
― Albert Einstein