Draw Near

I don't like commitments...

What a terrible way to begin a conversation..right!? Wrong. What an awesome stab at honesty. I think blogging is cool. You document your thoughts over a period of time and it becomes this catapult for conversation and reflection. Duh - you know that, you read blogs and some of you write them. Hats off to you who nurture this container, commit to posting consistently and sticking with your niche to make it relevant and comforting to your audience. I want to be one of the cool kids!

That's just not me. I dislike commitment. And I'm going to own that. Breathe easy into that rather than fight it.

I've never liked commitments. I left two murals unfinished at my high school. I have tons of "I got something started" artwork from college. My Sims never move into their houses. I don't follow-through on taking photos. I don't plan outfits. and I have restarted this blog 50million times. With the same intention and the same results.

I like immediate satisfaction. When it feels good to do something - I do it. When it doesn't... I don't bother. So why am I so upset? ... I want an awesome body of work... yes?? or no...? I don't know.

It's our classic battle - The battle of "Should". I should create a body of work that reflects me. I should participate.

Well - truth is. I don't feel like it. I have this image of the Koi Fish swimming up the waterfall, and I just want to say "dude - turn around. It's not that serious."

yeah. It's not that serious. I'll post when I feel like it. xoxoxox.

Underwater

Breaking

"Heartbreak is an illusion. The heart is soft and made of light, and therefore cannot break. What is actually breaking is the wall built up around the heart. Let it shatter." -Unknown.

Audrey Kawasaki

An UnBalancing Act

How do people do it? Go to work, fall in love, keep healthy, socialize, look great, foster hobbies, sleep...?

I want to do it all.... and I can't.

It's too much. I thought I was having growing pains as I stepped into adulthood. I thought juggling all aspects of my life was new and therefore difficult. Within a year I expected to get the hang of it. I would be living some artsy version of Sex and the City.

Fail. and unhappy. exhausted. :/

It's really time to step back and honor myself. I don't really want it all. I've never wanted it all. I was that college student who took 6-9 credits because I wanted to take my time. I value space and reflection. I like immersing myself into one thing. I've never been good at multi-tasking.

I have this fear if I don't participate in something, or keep up with something, I will miss out. I need to practice letting go. It's okay to say no to some parts of my life or change the proportions (thanks Danielle Laporte. Check out this awesome blog post from Chelsea).

It never gets easier

Things are not difficult, but they are difficult enough. I have this grand notion that "things" (whatever those things are) get easier, and I keep pushing for what I'm realizing is an unattainable stopping point. I thought things would get better after UNLV. Then after Naropa. Then after my first year of work. Then after the summer. and now I'm here, and I caught myself saying, "oh. it'll get easier after this second year". ....

:/ wtf.

Uggghhhh. Brain be quiet. It's not true. This is it. Things aren't slowing down. Things will not get easier. There will not be a time period when I am not facing a challenge - as it should be right? We continue to grow, and we continue to get better. On this Saturday before the start of the academic year, I want myself to be mindful, enjoy the journey, and create pockets of spaciousness. Time can't slow down, but I can slow down and appreciate my relationships and the activities that shape who I am outside of work.

I am at this weird place where I don't want work to define me, but I'm also recognizing that in this field, I AM my work. Oh, the lucky life of the helping professional. And I say that with all honesty. I made a choice to help. and that comes with some sacrifice. It also comes with rewards that align with my values.

It never gets easier. You just get better.

To Your Highest Most Awesome Self

Once Upon A Time....

My girlfriend and I were arguing about something, and whatever I said to get my point across or defend myself, her response was, "Stop being an R.A. you don't have to do that now." She was referring to my language and probably ability to use conflict resolution. I can't help it I'm awesome.

But I remember that moment so well.. I had shock face on. I said, "I'm not being an R.A. I believe in these things. I DO see the world this way. "

ah. so funny now. We didn't last. for various and obvious reasons.

I think about that moment a lot and how becoming a Resident Assistant changed everything about me. I think about that moment when some sort of therapy talk comes out of my mouth in my personal life. And I thought about it yesterday when a friend commented on how different I looked. More..official.

It's true. I recently bought a few key pieces and in the past two weeks, I've come to work dressed more professionally. Not corporate suit or anything, but I've been stepping into my adulthood. It was uncomfortable at first..it was new, and I was worried how people would perceive me.

But as I caught a glance of myself in the mirror today, I recognized myself. I look like me. This is how I should have always been dressing - I just didn't know it. The more exposure I receive, and the more I reflect, the more I make choices that align with who I really am. I'm comfortable. It's easy.

I'm changing...kinda. What I'm really doing is arriving.

As we register folks for the new school year, I just want to shout - move to your truth, to your highest potential, don't be afraiddd!!Such an incredible journey to have. It takes time, and risk, and love. and it's worth it! Okay. so that's not crazy hippy hmm... ?

I AM shouting it in my heart though, and it echos with every hello, every interview, every see-you-in-two-weeks.

I believe in this.

*Image from Ellie

Yummy.... Pencils.

I know I'm not the only one who gets excited about a new smooth bright colored sharpie or fresh notebook paper. ahhh. office supplies. It's back to school time. Registration begins tomorrow. {eeek!} We're so close to starting. So - that means checkin' on the inventory.

Although I'd rate my skills in organization a 10, I feel very fortunate for my graduate assistant position at Naropa University. One of the incredibly daunting tasks: Stock the Studio.

Inventory is weird, and any art-anybody knows you're working with a maze of things: The budget, distinguishing from cheap and amazing supplies & cheap and..well, cheap supplies, knowing what the hot items are, remembering you keep stuff in that secret cabinet so the students don't go through it too fast....

Here's a peek into my inventory. With good 'ol excel.

All Items are organized and color-coded by their location in the room
High Priority, Donation Driven, and Currently in Need are helpful sorters. High priority items are of course the materials I'm constantly evaluating because my students need and use these items often. Donation Driven reminds me of what to ask for. While anyone can donate anything, these are items that I do not purchase. (Like Magazines).
I write down everything I possibly can about the item. It never fails that I buy something that I didn't want because I forgot the brand or some other small detail. And this is helpful if a volunteer or intern places the order for me. There should be no mistake what I wanted.
I have a notes section (not shown) to specify the order and quantity.

I've been through a few systems. I like this one!

Highschool Moms

It's very strange and surreal that after months of cameras in our classrooms, the really awesome crew pieced together something very beautiful and very real about this incredible place. High School Moms premiers Sunday on TLC.

These are women in our community who are reflective of other women in communities in the United States and in the world. These are our people. And everyone benefits when our people receive a good education. I know there will be people who have nothing but not-so-nice things to say, but the fact is that regardless of the choices that anyone of us makes, we all deserve the opportunity to go to school where our needs are met. Gaining academic skills, learning to critically think, ..be curious, ...imaginative, and building relationships lets us contribute positively to our world. Raising ALL of our children who will become this World.

Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.

-Lilo

*Image from FloCritCo.org

July Wrap Up

July

We held an open house and showed area providers who we are. Baddass that's what.
I went to a Trauma Training and learned all amazing things about the all amazing brain.
Working Working Working Working on the curriculum's.
The events in Aurora took a toll on me & my community. That is a theater I know very well.
I moved from the suburb of Englewood to the Downtown Denver Life. Not an easy move with unethical movers and a small dirty dusty spidery place. *exhaussttteddd*
I celebrated the arrival of Saturn Returning! I'm officially 28. (Am I an adult now?! whoa.)

With the school year approaching and my personal life uprooted, I did not have enough internal & external resources for my stressors. Which, lemme tell you - makes for a rough couple of weeks. lots of crying. headaches. I had some supports in there though. Thank you all.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
― Albert Einstein

Planning Planning Planning. More Planning.

Whoops! Well, I lost track of time. A one day check-out became a week of intense planning. It's getting that time. We're cranking out lessons, and structures, and processes so that we are good and ready August 20th. And as I actually materialize things, I become more motivated to cross the finish line. Al..mossstt.. theerre.

I'm creating a workbook-style packet for each class. Last year, I passed out lessons as we went, but that turned into quite the challenge. Our students have lots of absences. Maternity leave and baby appointments will do that to yah. We also have open enrollment so students arrive in late October! It was a struggle making sure students got all of their material. Gathering documents to catch a student up takes away from instructional time. I don't want that this time around. This year, I want everything to be outlined and organized for them... and for me. I love those packets you get at conferences....so why not have 'em for class?!

The Syllabus is looking good. hmm. Maybe I'll post that...!? (In this moment I'm realizing that's an awesome idea.)

I'm also adjusting my ideas for the problem solving/cartography class. I met with our data people and helped identify the specific items we want to show growth in - which is of course good for me to know because I should probably teach that huh? We decided to focus on Rational Problem Solving Skills. How well can students do the following:

1. Problem Definition and Formulation: Gather facts, identify obstacles, set specific goals.

2. Generation of alternative solutions

3. Decision Making: consider & compare consequences

4. Solution Implementation and Verification: practice solution, evaluate, go back & try again.

Really, this specific data isn't asking if students are able to solve their own challenges. It's asking do they have a framework to solve challenges with? As I read over the 4 steps, it looked very familiar to me.... hmmm?

*gasp* It's totally the Choose Your Own Adventure Series!!

Yeah. It's going down. Art ...Choose Your Own Adventure..problem solving....map making.....something....Group ..I'm figuring it out.

I still think making Personal Geographies is a fantastic idea and may use later, but it doesn't quite meet the specific need I'm attempting to address.

Whew! it's busy over here. Hope yall are well in the middle of July!

To Be or Not to Be...

Donica C. Snyder, MA, LPC, ATR-BC, LMNOPQRSTUV

I went to grad school because I really wanted to learn about transpersonal counseling. I didn't necessarily want to become a transpersonal counselor.

What do I do now? I was taught you go and get your LPC. But do I want that? Do I need that? How does this professional thing work? Am I not a real art therapist if I'm not registered? And what communities do I become a part of? They should be mutually beneficial, right?

I wanted to write this insightful post about credentials, but I haven't arrived at anything insightful. I just have a lot of questions.

?????????????????????????????????????????????

Clutch Me If You Can*

The glitter rack made it's debut with a lot of sparkle. Today, I gave them labels. I wanted to be really clever... but the fact is, I'm not so clever. Which just proceeded to stress me out.

*Clutch Me If You Can nail color by Essie

No need to reinvent the wheel, right?! Nail Polish has the most-awesome names ever. They already did the work, why should I? I like Essie, but any brand will work if you're looking for silly & cute names for colors.

I cut out circles on really colorful paper.

But, my room is getting a little crazy.

I think it's a good idea to have some white-space

Flip!

A little Modge-Podge Love

Pepperoni | Carnival | As Gold As It Gets | Action!

Mad Hatter | Case Study | Playdate | Lovie Dovie

Go Overboard | Nothing Else Metals | Bikini So Teeny | Yellow Polka Dot

Smooth Sailing | Damsel in Dress | Wicked | To Buy Or Not To Buy

July is a time to Re-calibrate

I love July. Not only because it's my birthday month, but because it feels like the middle! Although June is technically our halfway mark to the year, July just feels like a better checkpoint of sorts. And what a great opportunity to evaluate our visions.

This is especially on my mind as I pull up mint.com and realize...where is my money!? Hmm. Looks like I've made some choices that has made my budget very. very. small. Gasp! ughh. and although I'm frustrated that this is the point I've arrived at, this is a perfect time to reflect and re-calibrate.

What do you want to accomplish by December?
Why do you want to accomplish these things?

( oh yeah - there was a reason I stopped buying polish at Ulta).

What things are going well that's moving you toward your goals?
What's not working so well, and how can you adjust?

So this is awesomely serendipitous because I'm planning a group for the fall: Goal Setting. But of course it's not called Goal Setting because That. Is. B-O-R-I-N-G. and of course - duh. it includes art-making!

Inspired by Personal Geographies, Taking Charge, Tackling the Tough Skills, Lisa Sonora Beam and my own love of vision boards, I'm helping students identify steps in the problem solving process- through cartography.

Yeah. Cartography. Neat!

I first fell in love with maps reading My Father's Dragon

There will be castles, and mermaids, and treasures, and monsters, and ..well, more stuff. I'm in the middle of tinkering.

But what perfect timing because of course -good instruction always includes a model example. and who better to do one than me! I'm also taking volunteers to test this out with me. Who wants to make a ___________?! (hmm. I need a cool name...)

Be the Change

This week I did not do a lot of curriculum planning. I've been helping out other teams with summer programs. I gave a presentation on stress management to recent alum who are going to college, and I made personalized place-mats for our Family Engagement Self Care Tea Party. It's nice to interact with the students. (I forget !)

I have been thinking about my classes however. (When am I not is the real question). I just wrapped up Art & Fear, and holy cannoli, I had shock face on the entire time. So validating and sooooo sad, and well - inspiring too. That book does it all. I was looking at reviews and some folks really hate it. Reviewers say it's stuff they already knew or that reading detracts from art making. Well - I'm not that reviewer! I think it's great. Thank you David and Ted for articulating something that I struggle with but could not verbalize.

Lately, I've been asking, "who teaches this stuff!?, why don't we teach this stuff?!" I've got to stop looking outside of myself for the magic that I already own.

...The greatest gift you have to offer your students is the example of your own life as a working artist. There's a story told student who asked what courses he would be teaching the following term. Replied Santayana: "Santayana I, Santayana II, and a seminar in Santayana III."

-Art & Fear

Yeah. I totally teach Donica I & Donica II.

Now the challenge is to focus. I'm so excited - I feel like I have enough material for Donica University. huh?...not a bad goal, but I'm sure my semester long class will not appreciate that.

Brushes & Color

Drop Fear. Draw Near.

Ohhhhhh, down the rabbit hole. ...

I wrote this blog post: Developing an Artistic Style. Yeahhh. you know.... It was a simple thought. I checked out Visual Voice from the library; I really enjoyed the content and thought it would be good for my students.

and something just hit me. My heart burst open with panic and sadness and jealousy and...and...I don't even know what else because I can't pick words for describing THAT feeling when the dam breaks inside. Incredible gaping hole. It's terror. (I'm blessed to live with a friend who is such an incredible guide. She carries life-jackets at the ready). Even with the desire to make art ...there is nothing on paper. I'm in a relationship with no intimacy. No acts of love. I'm struggling.

I feel so failed by my education systems. I am so afraid of the art process with little tools to plow through. Yes, I know my elements. I know some history. I can matte and present. I can participate in a critique. But what about that other stuff!? -the relational piece. That stuff that inherently happens by doing art. Are we teaching that? and not as a side note. Purposeful objectives and lessons on the subject matter that books like Art & Fear, The Artists Way, and Visual Voice write about. I know there are workshops one can take exploring these things, but isn't this important enough that it should be part of a formal education right alongside our traditional lessons for those enrolled in programs? because Art is Therapy. Examination of the self WILL happen. Isn't facilitated dialogue and reflection...helpful?! I mean... the answer is YES.

I had one instructor at UNLV who I was profoundly impacted by. Life Changing. and not for the mean things he said. (We have plenty of those negative life changing people unfortunately huh?). He touched on the spiritual aspects of art-making and was consistently present with me and my process.

I want to be my version of him. for me and my students.

I have got to drop fear and draw near. I have to make art.

Developing an Artistic Style

I have lots of fear that prevents me from creating. I have no idea who I am as an artist. I don't know what I enjoy, I don't know what I look like.

Well - that's not true. I DO know what I look like. It happened by a fluke circumstance. In a 24hr countdown panic, I could do nothing but let go and get the assignment done. and of course in letting go, that magical thing happens. It happened once. maybe twice.

That magical thing is not some unpredictable, show up randomly cosmic event. It's a relationship the artist has with her genius. If you trust and practice with the unknown, the unknown shows up brilliantly, and you make not just cool stuff....but authentic stuff. Art that reflects you at your core...not just your amazing draw-an-apple skills. More like....that-feel-good-this-looks-just-like-my-soul-stuff. That mmm-yes-I'm-committed relationship.

I missed out on this. My degree made no space for yummy relationship building. I can recognize Hagia Sophia but I can't identify myself.

The more that I plan for my classes, the clearer it's becoming that I want to teach what my own education lacked. And not because I have weird Art Therapist ego. I'm using my experience to recognize a need. Students benefit by falling in love with who they are. Don't we all? I want my students to fall in love with their genius. Discover their genius, paint their genius. To not be afraid.

I want it for myself.

I picked up Finding Your Visual Voice by Dakota Mitchell. *Drool* I'm teaching this to my Level 2 Class. THIS is what I want students to walk away with. "It explores how & why you paint and what you respond to visually and emotionally. [This book helps bring awareness] to the combination of instincts and feelings that encourages you to pick up a paintbrush and create work that is your own". Yummyyy. Very structured & workbook style.

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman.